• Home
  • Jordan
  • More Landis Books
  • Blog
  • About Victoria
  • Events & News
  • Contact
  • For Groups & Book Clubs
  • In The Works
  • Character Interviews & Other Fun Stuff
  • BOOK COVER DESIGN
VICTORIA LANDIS
  • Home
  • Jordan
  • More Landis Books
  • Blog
  • About Victoria
  • Events & News
  • Contact
  • For Groups & Book Clubs
  • In The Works
  • Character Interviews & Other Fun Stuff
  • BOOK COVER DESIGN

MUSINGS

I'm not sure anyone reads blogs anymore - at least not those of people who are not renowned in a particular field or famous in some way.

Having said that, I offer my musings about the foibles of life as they occur.

Low Expectations

5/15/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
Before you complain—please understand I know there are many exceptions, I (and my guests) are speaking of what a large number of women experienced, and we know they are not universal experiences.
 
I so admire young women today. They’re strong and confident. Traits I wish I had at their age. It’s important for today’s young women to understand what went before and what shaped our lives. Women born in the 50s/early 60s and before were roundly discouraged in so many ways. The blog entries in this category are meant to help us understand each other better.
 
I was born in the late 50s and grew up in a tiny New Jersey town, where most the moms stayed home with their children. I remember, and can count on one hand, the moms who worked outside the home. Few subjects were ever tackled head-on in my world. I learned what my place in the world should be by inference.
 
A mom who worked at a paid job got whispered about. Her mom has to work. It was a scandalous thing. The unmistakable inference was they were too poor, the husband didn’t make enough money to support them, and wasn’t that a shame? Clearly, the kid gossip was created by the overheard conversations of our mothers.
 
One of my friends had a mom who worked. Her parents were clearly way smarter than any others I knew. Her mom actually went to college and had some sort of important job. So did her dad. I felt intimidated when I went to her house. They had a beautiful home, drove way nicer cars, and the level of discourse at their dinner table was light years above ours.
 
It all confused me. I was supposed to feel sorry for my friend, because her mother worked. But she had really nice clothes (new, not hand-me-downs like mine.) They went on great vacations—even to other countries! My family never went out to dinner. We couldn’t afford it. I can recall maybe three times we went to dinner as a family. Maybe. And we didn’t take family vacations. Ever. Not until I was older and out of the house did my parents take the family/younger siblings anywhere.
 
But my friend’s mother got whispered about? Looking back, I understand the subliminal—and constant—messages hammered into my brain and how they influenced my (truly awful) decision making as a young woman.
 
I was encouraged/prodded/expected to marry early, have children, stay at home, clean the house, become a thrifty and clever wife and mother, a great cook, and a perfect hostess. As a teenager, I read etiquette columns with the best hostess-ing hints. My father firmly believed that educating women was a waste of time and money. I grew up believing that was the way it was. When I entered high school, I still harbored a dim hope of becoming an architect. By the time I was a junior, I’d given that up. My dreams and ambitions were finally drilled out of me. All I expected in life was to hopefully marry someone who would take care of me.
 
Gaining approval was everything to me. I was so needy for acceptance. So, I did what I was told. That did not work out well, but that’s fodder for a lot more stories.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author note

    I believe the only way to get through the slings and arrows life throws at all of us is to find the humor.

    ​If not for laughter, we would all resemble Dorian Gray's hidden portrait.

    RSS Feed

    RSS Feed

    Archive

    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018

    Categories

    All
    Book Reviews
    Conferences
    In General
    Need A Laugh?
    This Woman's Experience
    WRITING TIPS

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Jordan
  • More Landis Books
  • Blog
  • About Victoria
  • Events & News
  • Contact
  • For Groups & Book Clubs
  • In The Works
  • Character Interviews & Other Fun Stuff
  • BOOK COVER DESIGN