![]() My teen years were in the early 70s. It seems hard to believe now, but it was commonplace to tell jokes about how stupid women (especially blondes) were. I was blonde, with blue eyes. If you grow up around men who denigrate women, however mildly and socially acceptable at the time, you absorb the idea that you are less than. Not worthy of much. I did. In my forties, I began examining my past to understand why I was so insecure. I’d never connected the dots I laid out for you above. Once I started, more long-repressed memories surfaced, and it became clearer and clearer why I had no confidence in my abilities. There were two exceptions to my insecurities. The first was—I was, and knew I was, a good mom. I was/am a good cook, hostess, and housekeeper, too. These things I know as solidly as I know that I breathe. It’s not a wonderment that these were my only confidence categories. I was raised to be a good mom, cook, and housekeeper. That was the expectation placed on me since toddlerhood. It was what I was taught at home. I make meals and desserts from scratch. I can sew draperies and clothing. I was taught to embroider, knit, and crochet. I read Emily Post and other columns about etiquette and hostessing hints, ever determined to excel at those things. One of the jokes that, as I look back was typical of the time, now makes me cringe. As I stood listening to it, I remember clearly laughing along—far too insecure to challenge the basic notion or how I did or did not fit into that description. So, here’s the scenario. And, remember, this is but one small, isolated incident out of a lifetime of programming and denigration. Not a purposely-done-by-my-parents programming, though. They were products of their upbringing and the societal norms of the time. They were (Mom still is) good people. Amazing people, actually, considering where they came from. They did the best they knew how. My father and my high school boyfriend—who would become my first husband—were standing in the kitchen with me, just the three of us. I don’t recall what else was discussed, but somehow this joke happened. Dad said to the boyfriend, “Do you know why educating a beautiful woman is like pouring molasses into a fine Swiss watch? Because everything stops.” Boyfriend laughed uproariously with my dad. I laughed along, and I remember the glum feeling that went along. It wasn’t outrage or upset on my part. No, I believed the joke was correct. The glum feeling was a tired acceptance—I realize now—that the joke truly did describe my life and all I couldn’t hope for. It takes a lot of hard work and diligence to dredge up old memories, counter them, and finally understand why and how the deep, deep insecurities were imbedded. Thank God, I did.
11 Comments
7/20/2019 08:37:11 pm
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Daniel Roots
5/27/2020 06:16:54 pm
Trust, love and honesty are the three keys to a successful relationship. Any relationship in which these three elements are missing would only stay for a while, that is why you need to know deeply the acts and attitude of who you claim to love to ensure the love isn’t one sided affair. I was ravaged and entangled with my ex-husband cause he was the best being I ever known until he started acting strange and that gave me a suspicion. At first, the love was in the air before the war started. He keeps late nights, always clinging to his phone and devices, show non-chap at attitude at home and never wanting to do are home routine which was unusual of him.I sought for a marriage counsellor’s advice which he was present and was asked what was going on he didn’t yield positively to the questions asked that got me more suspicious but went back to his newly embraced acts.
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Jackson Tyrese
5/27/2020 06:15:05 pm
Look before you leap as the adage says and know fully the habits of your partner before venturing into a relationship. A broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage, a lot of people have suffered the pain of infidelity. Can you boast emphatically your spouse isn’t seeing someone else???? No, think about it how can you be in a relationship which you’ve invested so much in both in cash, affection and trust but to discover you are being played or made a fool that feeling hurts so bad which leads to an everlasting scar. You may feel otherwise and say yes but deep down you don’t have genuine reason to love or trust him cause he hasn’t been put to test. Men could be cruel, you can’t know a man 100percent cuz they are can easily be influenced by the peer (friends) they hang around with. You need to know the truth cause the Bible says “you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”. Wake up from your slumber and give it a shot like I did which turn out to be my best move in life. I was bitterly maltreated by my ex-husband after so many months of being perplexed with no where to go to who to cry on. I was rescued with the help of a great IT personnel webhubghost (@) gmail!!com who got me concrete evidence of my spouse’s behavior by remotely tapping to his mobile device where I got to retrieve all the text messages, call logs, pictures with some unknown women which set me free from his bondage. You can as well get similar help to turn around your life for good by reaching out to the able hands of webhubghost at gmail!!com today and be completely glad you read this post. This app works perfectly but you need the help of the real deal with the email in the comment to get loose from the chains of a cheater, and abusive relationship.
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Modieā¬
8/25/2020 06:44:16 am
If you’re feeling your partner might be cheating for you, but there’s no definite evidence. You’re faced with two alternatives: seek out the facts, or to turn a blind eye. Selecting the first choice, although often suitable in the short term, is incredibly damaging for you personally, but for your children and family, not only in the long run too. Seeking the truth out isn’t simple either – as we mentioned before, technology has made infidelity much easier to conceal than in the past, however it also provides opportunities for revealing getting the evidence needed to establish them & affairs. My spouse has been behaving strange lately, giving me attitude and not being herself. I was worried and concerned of her well being. I had no option than to get access into her phone without her knowledge, I got online and I got a referral to hire Proxyphreak @ Gmail com whose job is to clone phones, capture all that incriminating evidence and get you the requested information. I contacted him immediately and was perplexed when I got to see all the text messages, phone calls, WhatsApp messages, Facebook, Skype, Viber, WeChat, WhatsApp, Messages, Line among others from my spouse phone. Now I know when a she’s telling the truth and how to curtail the whole situation, I think it is not a drastic step if it’ll make you feel better. I recommend ProxyPhreak47 @ Gmail com for all your spy and hack related issues.
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marcus kharllude
9/5/2020 08:38:58 pm
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9/7/2020 09:51:17 pm
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9/9/2020 07:33:41 am
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9/15/2020 04:12:40 pm
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PHILIP GONZALEZ
10/1/2020 08:12:51 am
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Terry Morrison
10/11/2020 08:37:42 pm
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Gareth Smith
10/11/2020 08:38:25 pm
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Author noteI believe the only way to get through the slings and arrows life throws at all of us is to find the humor. Archive
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