CHARACTER  INTERVIEWS and OTHER FUN STUFF

Map and a Short Hawaiian Glossary

You'd think that once the book was finished and out there, the characters would stop talking to me.  Sigh.  They don't.
Enjoy.

BLINKE IT AWAY
 
Glossary of common words used in everyday conversation in Hawaii.
 
Akamai -  Very wise, shrewd, experienced.  Usually used for older folks.  Pronounced   ah-kah-my.
 
Aloha – Hello, Goodbye, How’s it Going?  Literal meaning – “May the breath of God be with/in you.”
 
Haole – A caucasian.  First used as a word for stranger or visitor, it now has a more negative connotation to it and means all white people.  Sometimes used fondly by non-whites to address their white friends.  Pronounced  how-lee.
 
Hapa-haole -  Anyone whose heritage is half white, and half anything else.  No bad connotation to this at all.  All children are loved and cherished in Hawaii.
 
Hapai -   Pregnant.  Pronounced   ha-pie.
 
Kamaaina – Word used only by haoles to denote a longtime haole resident.  Pronounced comma-eye-nah. 
 
Keiki -  A child.   Pronounced    kay-kee.
 
Koolau -  The mountain range on the east side of Oahu.  Pronounced   ko-oh-lau.  Rhymes with bough.
 
Lanai – Any porch or balcony.  Also name of a Hawaiian island.  Pronounced    la-nigh-ee.
 
Lei – A garland of flowers for the neck, head, or wrists.  Pronounced  lay-ee.
 
Local(s) – People of color or Asian descent in Hawaii.  Basically everybody but white people.  You can be a haole born there, but they’ll never call you local.  Exception-people of Portugese descent.  They’re often referred to as “one good Portagee”.
 
Manapua – Bakery treat.  Sweet white dough with sweet marinated chopped pork inside.  Comes either steamed or baked.  Pronounced Mah-nah-poo-ah.
 
Moke – A huge local man, usually of Hawaiian or Samoan (all or part) heritage.  Tend to be tough guys, but they have soft hearts.  You want to be on their good side…
 
Makai – Directional word.  Anything on the ocean side of the street would be on the makai side.  Pronounced Ma-kigh (rhymes with sigh).
 
Mauka – Directional word.  Anything on the mountain side of the street would be on the mauka side.  Pronounced Mow(rhymes with cow)-kah.
 
Okole -  Your rear-end.  Pronounced  oh-ko-lay.
 
Ono -  Delicious!!!!!    Pronounced   oh-no.  Locals often say something is onolicious.
 
Opu -   Your tummy.  Pronounced oh-pooh.
 
Pau – Finished.  If done with dinner, you’d say, “All pau.”  Pronounced   pow.
 
Pupus -   H’ors Deurves.  Pronounced poo-poo’s.
 
Pupukea -  A mountain in the Koolau range, on the north side of Oahu.  Pronounced   pu-pu-kay-ah.
 
Waianae – The mountain range on the west side of Oahu.  Also a town.  Pronounced  why-ah-nigh.
 

First up:  Alias: Mitzi & Mack
 
Hi, Victoria Landis here. Today, I’m speaking with the characters of my novel, Alias: Mitzi & Mack, which came out five years ago this month.  After years of pestering, the people in that story have finally convinced me it might be fun to catch up with them.
​ 
Gathered in a rather loose circle here are Shirley, Dora, Tim, Edna, Nina, Fletcher, Maddy, Agnes, Lance, Paul, Morty, Stanley, and George.
 
Okay, everybody, you know I agreed to this because you promised to behave yourselves. Who wants to go first?
 
Agnes: Me. What the Sam Blazes took you so long? I’m not getting any younger here. And where’s that sequel? You promised I’d have a bigger part in it.
 
Victoria: Well, I--
 
Dora: Me, too! Tim and I can’t wait to really get our new life together into gear. Right, honey? (She pats Tim’s thigh, and he nods.) We’re planning a trip to romantic Italy.
 
Shirley: Oh, shut up.
 
Morty: (Scoffs.) Italy? How unoriginal. Cliché.
 
Nina: Mom, stop. You still haven’t come to grips with what you did? It’s not Dora’s fault you ruined your own marriage.
 
Victoria: Whoa. This is exactly what I was afraid of. Everybody be nice, or I’ll put you all away for another five years.
 
Shirley: Fine.
 
Lance: Well, I, for one, am so excited to be here. It’s so good to see you all again!
 
Paul: (Rolls his eyes.) Tone it down, sweets. (Looks at Victoria.) He had a huge espresso on the way here.
 
Maddy: I’d like to ask something. Please write the sequel soon? Fletch and I need to start our life together, too.
 
Victoria: You’re seriously making me feel guilty. Hey, Stanley? Why are you sitting all by yourself way across the room?
 
Stanley: Feels safer over here.
 
Edna: I’ll sit next to you. (Bats her eyelashes.)
 
Stanley: That’s okay. I’m good.
 
George: (Drags his chair away from the circle.) Great idea.
 
Stanley: Don’t be sitting near me. The way you treated my daughter?
 
George: Just the weensiest bit hypocritical, there, Mack.
 
Victoria: (Clears her throat.) Maddy, I’ve always wondered. What was it really like growing up so rich? I ask because, although I’ve spent years doing faux and mural work in wealthy homes—and put a lot of those observations into my books—I didn’t live it. You did. Did I get it right?
 
Maddy: (Chuckles) Pretty much. At least my experience. I do know others who were raised more normal—ish. The thing that always bugged me the most was how Mother treated the servants. She could be so rude. It embarrassed me, even when I was little.
 
Agnes: She was on the imperial side. Acted like she was queen. But how did you, if you never knew any other life, know it was rude or wrong?
 
Maddy: Now that I think about it, it might have been the influence of a tutor they hired. She’d tell me stories about people from all walks of life. All kinds of people, from many places. People who were treated unfairly because of their skin color or religion, or just because their parents were poor. She made the stories sound like they were made up, but I think they were real. I had to keep them a secret, she said. Probably didn’t want Mother to fire her. Wonder if she’s still alive?
 
Morty: Jesus. Who was she—Nelson Mandela in drag?
 
Dora: What crawled up your bikini briefs and died?
 
Victoria: (Snickering.) I forgot all about writing those in.
 
Stanley: You know, Catherine wasn’t so bad. She was just lonely and wanted to be loved. Like the rest of us. She could be fun.
 
Shirley: Of course you’d stick up for her.
 
Victoria: Last warning, lady.
 
Shirley: Not saying another word. (Crosses her arms.)
 
Fletcher: As someone who’s screwed up his life royally and was given a second chance--
 
Nina: Second chance?
 
Morty: (Snorts with laughter.) Yeah, try like your millionth, Mr. TooMuchTestosterone.
 
Fletcher: What I’m trying to say is we all screwed up somewhere, yes? Don’t we all deserve to try again until we get it right? Why can’t we strive to be happy?
 
George: When did you become Mr. Kumbayah?
 
Nina: Lay off my brother.
 
Agnes: (Raises her hand.) That is probably my fault.
 
Maddy: I know Mother was difficult. (Sighs.) Okay, impossible. (Exhales loudly.) She could be a real bitch. But she’s dead, and she was the only family I had. Whatever her issues, I know she loved me. And, I really believe she was in love with Stanley. And that was not her fault.
 
Shirley: Okay, you’re right about that.
 
Lance: (Smiles at Shirley.) That’s my girl. Can we skip to the chase? (Scans the room.) The big pink elephant in this room? Victoria, what we all want to know is—will our dear Shirley and Stanley get back together?
 
Victoria: Honestly? I haven’t decided.
 
Stanley: Oh? Well, by all means—take your time. I mean, five years in limbo, with everyone hating me hasn’t hurt a bit.
 
Nina: We don’t hate you, Dad. We’re just . . .
 
Agnes: Stanley, you gotta understand. When you chose Catherine over Shirley, it hurt us all.
 
Morty: Oh, wah, wah. (Rubs his eyes, imitating a baby.) You’re all rich now, because of what Stanley did. You wanna feel bad for somebody? Feel bad for me. I got nothing out of the whole book. Nothing.
 
Edna: I’m here for you, Morty.
 
Morty: (Seems repulsed.) Uh. No. Thanks. I’m good.
 
Victoria: Wow. We are not getting very far with the list of questions I prepared. I had no idea you all were stewing like this. Tell you what, Morty. You clean up your act some, read a book about manners, and I’ll make sure you have a girlfriend in the next book.
 
Edna: What am I? Invisible? I’m volunteering for the position.
 
Lance & Paul: (Look at each other.) Makeover! Don’t you worry, Edna. By the time the next book happens, Morty will be begging you to date him.
 
Edna: If I’m going to look that hot, then I think I can do better than Morty.
 
Victoria: And . . . this is why, again, I didn’t want to do this. That’s going to wrap it up for today. We’ll try another time. (Gets up and heads for the door.) I need a glass of wine.
 
Agnes: Wait for me!

Next Up: Blinke It Away

Although Blinke It Away is a suspense novel - where people die horribly - the characters, behind the scenes, have recovered from the events and are in much better moods these days. Spoiler Alert: It's recommended to read this AFTER you've finished the book.

Victoria:  Today, I'm back on Oahu with some of the characters from Blinke It Away - Bess, Debbie, Aden, James, Bitsy, Tom, Dorothy, Brian, and Zeeman. Bess, let's start with you. How have you been?

Bess: (sighs) Okay, I guess. Still miss my best friend. and I'm a little ticked off that you left me all dressed up and ready to go out with the hottest guy I've ever seen, and . . . we've never gotten to the actual date part.

Zeeman: that goes double for me. A man my age shouldn't be in frozen animation for that long.

Bitsy: I spent soooo much time on her makeup, too. What a waste.

James: I agree with Zee. This can't be good for us. I'm supposed to be out looking for the next suitable girlfriend that Bess and Bitsy will approve of. And that could take awhile, given the differences in our expectations.

Victoria: Well, I've got three different outlines for a sequel. I haven't decided which way to go.

Bess: (looks longingly at Zee) Pick the one where I finally get the right guy? Please?

Steve: (entering the room)I could be that guy for you - again.

Aden: What is HE doing here? (Glares at Steve)

Debbie: It's okay, Honey. Steve's been to a therapist and understands why he felt the way he did. He's over it. Right, Steve?

Steve: Yup.

Dorothy: (Raises her eyebrows) Uh, huh.

Victoria: Brian, you became one of the book's favorite characters. Do you want to be in the sequel?

Brian: Or what? I stay frozen forevah? Yeah, put me in. Ooh. Can I be in a real band? You know I can sing.

Tom: I'll be in it. I have to find a girlfriend, too.

Dorothy: This is ridiculous, Ms. Author-person. Do you realize the only people in this room with a relationship are Aden and Debbie? Everybody else is single, not even seeing anybody - including me. That's just cruel.

Aden: (Groans) Jeez, Ma. I don't want to know about you dating.

Victoria: Huh. Nope. I never noticed that. Don't worry, Aden. When I give your mom a man, you won't know a thing. Promise.

Bess: How long do I have to be a nanny for, anyway? I mean, I love those kids, but . . .

James: If she finds me a great replacement, I'll be okay with that.

Victoria: We'll figure it out. (Notices movement at the doorway and smiles.)

Everyone turns to see a good-looking Filipino-Chinese man walking in.

Bess: (Screams) Cliff? Is that you? How?

Victoria: No. Due to pressure from my dear friend, Ann - who has never forgiven me for Cliff's fate - This is Cliff's twin brother, Craig. He's been in California since college and came back here to settle his brothers' estate with their mom.

Craig: (In a deep and sexy voice) Hello.

Zeeman & Steve: Shit.

Dorothy: He is cute, Bess.

Bess: Probably married, though.

Craig: Afraid not. I'm available.

Zeeman & Steve: God damn it.

Zeeman: (turning to victoria with a look of disgust) Really? Was this necessary?

Victoria: Hey - take it up with Ann. It's her fault.